Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
