I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
