yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
