thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
