Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
