yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
