I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
