haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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