She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm getting married
To pizza
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
