dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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