i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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