Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize