I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
