I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
