How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize