i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize