I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
