i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
