The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
