I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
