Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
