something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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