It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
