I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
