Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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