Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
