dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
