i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
