i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize