white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
