he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
