I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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