You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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