He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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