I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
