man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
