Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
