Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
