Cold hands, warm shart.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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