yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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