farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
