How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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