I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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