nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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