Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
