My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
