I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
