the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
