my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
4 words: hood of his car
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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