I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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