You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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