getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
