he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
