I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
