i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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