it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
