how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I will be naked everywhere
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You did what with his pubic hair?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
