The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
