rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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