Nicole vs. Life
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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