this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize