they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
