Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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