she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You ruined the universe
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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